Me: “You’re Darmok, I’m Jalad, and together we are at Tanagra.”
Ash: “What? Oh, Star Wars.”
Miscellany
What’s up with me? Oh, just inventing a governance structure for a community of wizards. You?
The first question: “is he spiders?” There is no second question.
A Selection of Wizard Memes
Shit's Fucked
“What a week, huh?”
“Lemon, it’s Wednesday.”
— 30 Rock, S4E2 “Into the Crevasse”
Without exception, the smartest people I know are all in agreement that Artificial General Intelligence (AGI) is on the way in the next three years. That could mean a lot of things. Good things. Bad things. I think it’s reasonable to assume nobody can predict what the world will look like beyond that horizon.
Kurzweil’s Singularity is finally near.
Let me be clear: the Singularity is the moment beyond which we cannot imagine the future, because it is entirely different from the world we have always known. Dear gentle reader, I think that point is not more than a year or two from now.
But I’m not here to talk about AI or AGI or the Singularity, because that’s one way in which I think people are right to be worried. There’s the part where technocratic oligarchs have bought what remains of the American government, citizens are being deported to Guantanamo Bay, and airplanes are falling out of the sky.
The bad news keeps rolling in, and I think it’s reasonable to expect that it gets worse from here.
There will never come a point where the red tribe will wake up and realize “oh no, this isn’t what I voted for.” This is what they voted for.
I know you desperately yearn for a “leopards ate my face” style realization of the atrocities they’ve caused. Will continue to cause. Are actively rejoicing in causing. That is not coming, and I need you to stop investing energy in waiting for it. There is work to be done.
If you’ll permit me a crumb of silliness in this tryin’ time, I’d like to present a framework that may help you figure out how you can help when everything feels hopeless, when it feels like the world is crumbling.
Please select from one of the following four class options:
Blanche: Charming, debonair, slutty. First in line to shank a bitch out back the Waffle House at 3 AM if they even glance at one of her homies.
Sophia: Wise, sardonic, unstoppable. A force of nature in the Greek God sort of way. Could correct Peter Jackson on what it sounds like when you stab someone in the lung.
Dorothy: Intelligent, charismatic, truth to power. Plans on plans on plans. Why do physical violence when emotional violence works as good at half the price?
Rose: St Olaf Stories as a finesse weapon. Emotional support friend. Can a cheesecake be a familiar? Have some cheesecake. I SAID HAVE SOME CHEESECAKE.
Look. I know it’s hard. But you need to figure out what you can do to help. Even if that’s taking care of yourself today so that you’re here to fight tomorrow.
It’s deeply unfair that we are called upon to fight this battle. Nevertheless, you are called. Nevertheless, you must fight.
Nevertheless, you must persist.
Chat, are the vibes cooked?
Ash: “what’s the cutest mammal?”
Me: “are moths a mammal?”
By age 400 you should have:
- defeated at least one plant.
- three orbs, at least one of which is cursed.
- read half of the 100 Greatest Tomes list.
- five mortal enemies, two blood pledges, and one kingdom in your thrall.
What is outer space if not a soup?
Gondor calls for soup.
Winter is coming
You might surmise that this is a political post. And it sort of is, but also it isn’t. Because winter has always been coming. And most likely, winter will always be coming. Winter might be Trump, it might be climate change, it might be an asteroid that strikes the Pacific ocean and obliterates all life as we know it. We don’t know when winter will come, nor what form it will take, but winter is coming.
Some people will read that and assume that I am being defeatist. That clearly, we must all give up in the face of insurmountable odds. And no, read what I said because it doesn’t include anything about giving up. Despite it all, I’m not a nihilist.
That winter is coming is an indisputable fact of our universe, and the answer to winter is to chop wood, preserve food, hunker down, and tell stories. Prepare for winter; to be able to weather it, because you do not control which way the wind will blow. You never did, and you never will. Winter can and will show up on its own schedule, in its own way, and there is nothing to be done about it except to prepare.
Our ancestors built communities by huddling together around the fire, and though the mode may have changed the method remains. Many hands make light work, and there remains much work to be done. There always will, because the universe does not owe us peace. The universe does not owe us anything. Winter is coming, and the only chance we have to stand against it is together.
With any luck, and no small amount of fortune, we will get to plant trees under whose shade we will never sit. It is not for us to rest, because winter is coming. But we might hope that others may some day wonder at what winter ever was.
Folsom Street Fair is an anime convention.
No, I will not elaborate.
Saving $20 on airport food by spending $30 at Buc-Ee’s.
“Is this a problem you have to solve, or can the world solve it for you later?”
— Adam Savage
I’m doing what any reasonable person who has not eaten food for the last 48 hours would do and watching nothing but cooking videos.
Whether I live here for six months or six years, I’ve decided that I am not holding my house in escrow for the future owners. There are plenty of milquetoast plain white interior designs on the market, if they really care they’ll buy one of those. My walls shall have opinions.
My ideal April 1st is one where at no point do I see anything related to “April Fools.”
I realize this makes me sound like a buzzkill No-Funsington-Bear. I promise I’m not usually. What I am is exhausted of tricks, pranks, and other japery in poor spirit, poor execution, and poor intention.
We already live in a world where it’s rational to trust very little of what gets posted to the Internet. It’s time to put this “holiday” out of its misery, do us all a favor, and let it diminish and go into the West.
Since I can never seem to pronounce “arnold palmer” correctly when I go to order one, I’m going to start calling it a Ryan Reynolds instead.
Relative confusion about what I’m asking for remains constant, but I get to rep a better brand.
Yes I’ve seen the new Dune ornithopter from Lego. Call me when I can build Shai-Hulud; bless the Maker and His water. Bless the coming and going of Him.
Do the children know of bash.org?
Who cries for bloodninja’s robe and wizard hat?
Who sings the song of hunter2?
Watching A Goofy Movie as a kid: it’s about a parent learning to understand his son.
Watching A Goofy Movie now: it’s about a family learning to understand each other.
I would like to propose the term “corporate dozen” to refer to any time or situation where a company has reduced the standard and customary amount of something in order to increase profits.
EX: “Most boxed cake mixes now only make a corporate dozen cupcakes due to shrinkflation.”
I’m currently on the weird part of the internet. Which is to say, the only part of the internet which is still good. I have found a blinking gif which says “soup enjoyer.” It feels like home.
Also, I would have £600 added yearly for the performance of charitable works, and those things I would not, neither will be, accountable for.