I finished Roots of Pacha at a little over 50 hours of total play time. I still wouldn’t recommend it.

“But random internet wizard, what would you recommend?” I hear you cry.

Contrariwise’s Definitive and Not At All Biased Guide to Cozy Sim Games

Not Sweaty

1) Stardew Valley

I’ve played Stardew all the way through to completion twice. I’ll probably play it again someday. Many of its best ideas are now fully dispersed into the cozy sim game ecosystem, but few games really do it as thoroughly and as well. I have basically two notes:

• Stop trying to make fishing mini games. They don’t work. I would be tempted to say nobody likes these, because nobody I’ve met likes them, but everything is somebody’s thing so I’m certain that somebody out there lives for the incredibly bland experience of staring at a screen waiting for a pixel to change. Seriously. Stop it.
• I’m not really a fan of the relationship mechanic where you have to go talk to everyone once a day, or remember when characters' birthdays are, or remember what their favorite gifts are. I’m less critical of this one than fishing, because I fully admit this is just my preference whereas I think fishing minigames are a true blight that should be stricken from the catalogue of game mechanics.

2) Graveyard Keeper

This is by far my favorite cozy sim game. I love the macabre setting, I love the mechanics. You don’t spend nearly as much time keeping the namesake graveyard as the title might lead you to believe, and I think that’s the source of some of its less favorable reviews, but if you’re willing to set that aside the mechanical process of playing the game is a delight. My one complaint is that the UI/UX are a bit cumbersome playing on a controller, but that’s it. Otherwise 10/10, perfect game.

3) Animal Crossing

It’s hard to know what to even say about Animal Crossing. I feel like if somehow you don’t already know this game is for you it probably isn’t. It’s at its most fun if everyone you know is also playing, so there’s a huge incentive to get the new game when it first comes out and play it with your friends. The long tail of being the only person you know still playing Animal Crossing doesn’t pass the vibe check. If you haven’t played New Horizons yet, now isn’t the time to start, but keep an eye out for announcements of a new version and hop on the bandwagon early for maximum enjoyment. Minor quibbles include:

• I wish they would focus on fewer, higher quality interactions with villagers. Having 100+ possible shades of animal person that only share 16 possible sets of dialogue doesn’t do much for me.
• New Horizons was needlessly punishing about the rarity of some furniture spawns. I got bored and gave up before collecting some of the sets I wanted for various rooms. There’s only so many days I’m willing to launch a game and not see any new content. I realize there’s a limit on the total amount of content they could ever include, but there are sets I know for a fact existed in the game where no piece ever dropped for me, while I had seen 5+ repeats on the ones that did.

Slightly Sweaty

1) Valheim

On the face of it, Valheim is a game I wouldn’t expect to enjoy. And if I had played it solo, I probably wouldn’t have. However, in concert with someone who actually enjoyed the combat mechanics where I was mostly free to tend my garden and organize storage chests I had a lot of fun. This could be a good game for you if you either don’t mind the combat parts or can get someone else to do them.

2) Minecraft

For what it’s worth, I prefer modded Minecraft. It’s at its best as a playground for ideas and mechanics that aren’t quite enough to be a game on their own. I haven’t played since probably 1.12, and I think they’ve made the combat sweatier in ways I would not enjoy, so this has fallen in my ranking to near the bottom of things I might recommend. Ask me a decade ago and it likely would have been the top. It’s hard to recommend a specific modpack, because they change frequently and I’m now several years out from having looked, but the place I’d start today would be to see if Direwolf20 is still kicking around. Whatever he’s playing.

Games That Sometimes People Think I would Like But I Don’t Because They’re Too Sweaty

1) Terraria

It’s not for me. I’ve tried maybe 2-3 times, and I don’t enjoy the mechanics. I also think it’s sweaty. Terraria is Minecraft for people that want harder combat and more things to kill. No shade if this is your game, but it’s not mine.

2) Starbound

This is Terraria in space. I don’t like it for all the same reasons, despite the fact that it’s in space. I usually like space, but space won’t save a game I don’t otherwise enjoy.

That’s it. That’s the list. There are other sim games out there, cozy or otherwise, but I don’t feel the need to comment. Possibly I haven’t had the chance to play them. Possibly I know I wouldn’t like them for some of the reasons I’ve already attributed above.

I’m not really looking for recommendations for games at this time, I barely have any time to play them and I’ve committed to not buying anything new until the backlog is clear, but hopefully this helps someone figure out what to play next. Or at least what not to play next.