Back at home safely ensconced in my office, wearing the slanket, and it’s time to talk about Hawaii. This is going to be something of a journal post, while also exploring some thought processes out loud. Apologies in advance if that’s not your thing!
How Did You End Up Going to Hawaii Anyway?
Medium story short, it was originally a work trip. Having never been to Hawaii, or indeed to any “tropical” or “island” destination, I tacked on a short mini-vacation the weekend before the work portion. Then the work part got cancelled, and my “mini” vacation was non-refundable. So, okay. I guess I’m going on a short trip to Hawaii. No plans, no friends. Just me and the island.
Day 1 - Wednesday
I like going places, don’t mind flying, but hate airports. The American airport experience is designed to maximize suffering at every touchpoint. With an 8-hour direct flight basically all of Wednesday was dedicated to the trip. Here I want to shout out to American Airlines' premium economy, which made the experience significantly more comfortable. I’d say it’s roughly equivalent to Alaska Airlines' first class. The seats alone are worth the price of admission.
When I stepped off the airplane, however, I felt the first moist slap of Hawaiian air and… Well. Have you ever heard of Paris syndrome? The short version is that Paris is nothing at all like how it’s presented in the movies, and when some people experience it “in the flesh” for the first time the delta between expectation and reality leads to a bunch of negative symptoms.
I can’t say it was exactly like that, but expectation definitely didn’t match reality. I can’t explain why it never occurred to me that Hawaii would be hot and humid, but it’s not what I was prepared for. Mentally, physically, emotionally, financially. In retrospect the fact that I even wore a hoodie now strikes me as hilariously unprepared. But also I didn’t even bring a pair of shorts.
So I caught a Lyft to my hotel in Waikiki, turned the air conditioning as low as it could possibly go, and ordered L&L on a delivery app. Wednesday was a write-off. I was asleep no later than 8pm Hawaiian time, though I think it may have been much closer to 6:30.
Day 2 - Thursday
I woke up at 6am local time on this and every other day of my trip. No alarm. Apparently that’s just when my body has decided it’s time to get up these days. Side note to myself I wonder if there’s something useful I could do with that information WRT my work schedule? Something to think about.
Breakfast at the hotel. Perfectly acceptable. Usual hotel price gouging for usual hotel quality. Then I set off to explore. I decided to head East first because Maps showed a nearby Point of Interest, the Stones of Life.
Continuing in that direction for a mile I saw most of the sandy parts of Waikiki, a couple really nice parks, and some chickens. Getting away from the hustle and bustle of “the strip” was nice, but I drenched my shirt through with sweat due to the humidity. On my way back I stopped at the ABC Store and picked up some coconut water before spending the majority of the day in my hotel room to enjoy the air conditioning and a book.
Dinner was a tour of spam musubi from just about every place I could think of to get one. L&L remains the gold standard as far as I’m concerned.
Day 3 - Friday
Once again up at 6am I decided to strike out West and see the other half of Waikiki, including a tour of the Royal Hawaiian mall. I found a local malasada place and brought them back to my hotel’s (not yet open) beach bar, where they were greatly enjoyed. I watched a series of three catamarans beach themselves, which was shocking and unexpected the first time but which I now gather is a fairly common way of parking there. Still wild to see a 30' boat ram itself into the beach at what feels like much too high a velocity.
Heading back from malasadas I picked up the local transit card, something I do most places I visit, and I made use of that for the afternoon by heading to a local hobby shop. Pretty much everywhere I go, if there’s time, I’ll hit up the local hobby shops. Sometimes there’s interesting things there. Nothing grabbed my attention this time, but the trip back went by Iolani Palace so I hopped off the bus and took a look around. The only way to go in was a paid audio tour, so I didn’t. I love to wander at my own discretion but mostly don’t enjoy being lead around. The grounds were still spectacular.
I think this might have been the night I had the fish sandwich for dinner at the hotel’s beach bar. The fish itself was great, but every other decision the chef made was questionable. This is a theme that would repeat both times I ate a meal at the beach bar. The virgin riptide, essentially a minty pina colada, was amazing.
Day 4 - Saturday
Up and out and on the bus, I decided to visit Byodo-In Temple which remains the highlight of the trip. Somewhere in the multiverse there’s the version of me who figured out young enough that it was possible to just… Go become a monk. Probably that version of me is the best version of me. The only thing I did not love about my time at Byodo-In was the behavior of other tourists. Be respectful.
Back on the bus and off to the island’s other hobby shop. They didn’t have anything I’d be interested in, but I’m always glad to see small businesses making their dream work. And they recommended a local Thai restaurant on the windward side of the island that had the best panang curry I’ve ever eaten, which was also the best thing I had on the entire trip.
In for a penny in for a pound I caught the bus again and rode it all the way around the northern tip of the island, a 2.5 hour trip that left me in North Shore around mid-afternoon. The whole town has surf bum and artsy jewelry aunt vibes. I grabbed my first and only shave ice of the trip at Matsumoto’s and would recommend everything about the experience to anyone stuck on Oahu and looking for a place to go.
The bus trip back was another 2.5 hours, this time across the center of the island. In total I spent about 6 hours on the bus on Saturday, for a total daily cost of about $7.50. Not bad when you otherwise have nowhere else to be and all the time in the world to get there.
Dinner was a sushi roll and a big plate of fruit from the ABC store.
Day 5 - Sunday
My last day on the Island, I walked back to the malasada place to get another, and spent my day idling around the hotel. In my room as late as I could, and then on the veranda.
The flight back home was to be a redeye. I’ve only ever been forced into an overnight flight two or three times in my life, each of them miserable, and this was no exception. I can’t sleep on my back, which means I can’t sleep. Earplugs, eye mask, pajama pants. I did everything I could think of to try to improve the experience, but there’s no getting around how miserable it was.
Landed at home around 6am Monday morning (today!) drove the hour and a half back from the airport, and then crashed and slept late into the afternoon.
Final Thoughts
So was it worth it?
No. Absolutely not. I went lots of places, did lots of things, because that’s a better use of my time than being mopey about it, but make no mistake. My initial thoughts about Hawaii still hold. I don’t understand the person who willingly goes there, we’re optimizing for very different things in our life.
I hope to spend the rest of my life at latitudes greater than 35°. North or South. I’ll suffer through a long flight if New Zealand awaits me at the end. But the tropics aren’t for me, and I hope never to be back.